Friday, November 21, 2008

set dancing

"But you rise, beneath the shining star of dawn.
With Avala's blue distant mountain far below.
You glitter, when the stars have faded with the morn,
Then, sun-like, melt the ice of tears and last year's snow.

In you there is no empty vanity or death.
You glisten like an unearthed sword from bygone years.
In you is all revived, set dancing, given breath,
renewed, refreshed, like bright day and like children's tears."

- Milos Crnjanski, from "Lament over Belgrade"

I am typing whilst fighting tears (and losing terribly, I'm afraid)... I love the beautiful poem above. It describes a beautiful White City and I think it also describes a beautiful little girl waiting there.

The future is uncertain. We may not be able to adopt Emerson... right now... maybe at all.

Our facilitator, whom I just adore, has told us that some changes are happening in the government and international adoption is halted at the moment and no idea what will happen in the future.

I do not know if this is the government considering foster care/domestic adoption instead of international, I do not know if she would still get her heart surgery.

I am heartbroken. I feel as if one of my babies is out there just dying and I am powerless to stop it... I guess because truly she is, and I am.

Please keep us, Emerson, our facilitator and the lawyer... all in your thoughts and prayers, that the government will let the pending adoptions continue, that the other children still waiting for families will have a chance at happiness somewhere.

Ah, Em, I love you. I'm sorry.

(A little update... apparently this is regarding the government considering using adoption agencies instead of independent facilitators - which might mean we could just go through an agency but still complete the adoption, eventually, but of course for Emerson... time is working against her. I hope we will know more soon...)